Christmas Reflections

I have all sorts of holiday themed posts lined up to be published.

They were never completed (although they might be published...just post-holiday).

I have a list of fun-filled holiday adventures for my family to do.

We never did them.

My baking list was as long as usual, filled with thumbprints and sugar cut-outs and gingerbread snowflakes.

I baked half of my biscotti.

This was the theme of our holiday season. I struggled. I was overwhelmed. I didn't take enough time to sit back and enjoy my family.

I was not an engaged parent. I was short-tempered and drowning in my to-do list. A list that is never completed. And a house that is a continual disaster with piles of paper everywhere.  Mail is out of control and I have no idea if I am coming or going.

I feel as if I am doing a portion of what I want to be doing and I am doing nothing well.  I find myself unable to give 100% to anything.

Logan's 2nd birthday party snuck up on me and I was so stressed that I found myself unable to enjoy it.  I took very few pictures and was completely overwhelmed.  I am usually a planner and have lists for my lists; for his party, I felt myself wandering aimlessly through the stores on Friday night, not having any idea what the hell I was doing or looking for.  At one point, I had to come home and regroup and reevaluate my plan because I had bits and pieces of all sorts of things.

A week later, my cookie exchange.  An event I love to host.  I think that being a Friday threw everyone for a loop and my friends were totally exhausted from the work week so it was an early night.   But a ton of preparation for only a few hours.

I need to make changes in the coming year.  I am short-tempered and snap when I don't mean to.  We need to work on organization and having a "place for everything" because that is how we will learn to function in a more productive way and a way that will make me happy.  And at this time next year,  I need to find myself in a better place.  I want to enjoy the holidays with the kids.  We are truly blessed to have two teenagers who are still willing to do family things with us and we need to take advantage of that.

I have spent some time praying and crying over this.  It is overwhelming to me, to feel like we are missing on something.  I need to step back and truly think about what is important.

In this new year, I need to focus on making myself happy, which I know will help me to become a better mom and wife.  I need to remember that life is short and that I must truly remember that my family is everything.

Back to School/Homecoming

The blog has been pretty quiet this summer.  I have so much to discuss and posts to write and things to catch up on and recipes to share...but first I need to show off my kiddos and their back to school glory and my pretty girls in their Homecoming gear!

Jamie and Alexys started school a week before I did.  It was like both girls were starting high school, even though Jamie is in 10th grade, because she was in Florida for ninth grade.  We did a little bit of back to school clothes shopping the week before they started with my mom, but the vast majority of our fall/winter shopping will be in a few weeks.  I am trying to give up some control when it comes to their wardrobe; not allowing them to dress inappropriately, but allow them to choose their own styles and embrace their own personality.  Jamie is pretty edgy, with a skater-ish style (she is obsessed with anime and all things Japan), and is really the polar opposite of me, and Alexys is heading that way I think too.  I have been having a really hard time letting go.  I miss the little kids I used to dress in coordinating outfits.

Another big change we had around here is Logan starting day care.  It was a really tough decision but I think he will benefit from the structure and interactive play with other kids.  I absolutely loved the babysitter he was with (she is a close family friend) and when I went back to work after six weeks, it was a huge comfort knowing he was getting so much love and attention and he has loved it there.  But this is a necessary step in getting ready for preschool, we believe. The first drop-off was much harder on me than it was on him...I cried in the parking lot.  Chuck asked if I was such a mess now, what was going to happen when he started kindergarten?

Thanks to my bloggy and IRL friend Shannon for sneaking in after dropping her kids off to take these pictures and send them to me.  He was perfectly happy and playing wonderfully and my mind was totally put at ease.

Due to our school consolidation, I did not start until Monday, August 27 and our kids started a day later.   I spent the three days without kids prepping for my school year in my class room and out, which included organizing some things around the house.  Oh and getting my hair done :)  Priorities, right?

And Homecoming.  How are my girls so grown up?

What's up, TERRIBLE LIGHTING IN OUR HOUSE

She wore her pink converse.  Awesome.

Um, my mom took this.  Wow.

Catching Up

Hello out there, my blog readers.  I hope you are still around.  I know that the crickets have been chirping away over here, but I assure you, I am getting all ready to come back.  A month ago, I was full of promises of my return after directing our high school's production of Chicago.  Honestly, I have all sorts of posts saved and almost ready to publish, but, life got in the way.

Anyone that knows me knows how I have two amazing stepdaughters.  Girls I think of as my own.  As my girls.  Six years ago, when we were introduced, they immediately wormed my way into my heart and soul and planted themselves there.  We were blessed to finally have both of them living with us after a very brief custody battle.  And some of you (if any of you are regular readers of mine) may recall the curveball that was thrown at us last August. 

As my husband states, our life is constantly in flux.  Which means we will once more be a family of five. Jamie is moving home. I am thrilled that she is coming back, realizing that this is where her home is.  We have some work to do as a family, because we have to learn to live with one another again.  But you know what?  It will be all worth it to be together once more as a family.

Where have I been?

This is what has been consuming my time.  Four years ago, right before I started my blog, I was a newlywed in graduate school, preparing for my administrative internship.  My oldest stepdaughter decided she wanted to live with us very unexpectedly, which basically through all of our plans to the wind.  Because of this, I stepped down as the drama director at the school I teach. 

Last year, I was presented with an opportunity to save our drama program by stepping BACK in as director, with five weeks until the musical, which was West Side Story (NOT by my choosing...).  I decided to stay on for one more year in order to do what I have called my "Dream Year," with the play and musical I have always dreamed of doing.  The play was a hugely successful production of Noises Off, which I was told was funnier than the professional production at the Cleveland Playhouse the last time it was here.  Then...Chicago.  A show that I applied to obtain the rights for on countless occasions and FINALLY got them.  The show was amazing last weekend and I am so proud of the kids and my directing staff.  Then on Monday, I turned in my resignation letter.

It is too time-consuming with an almost 17-month old and a nearly high schooler.  A is busy and plans on being even busier when she gets to high school next year and it is so important that I am available for her and Logan as they get older.

Will I return as director?  Maybe. Someday.  But, for now, it is back to blogging, home repairs, DIY-ing, hot glue-gunning, and baking.  I hope you stick around for more.

We have been hit

Hit by the flu.

Logan started throwing up on Thursday night.  Saturday night, Chuck got sick.  Sunday morning, I got sick.  So Sunday was the worst day because we were BOTH down for the count.  I felt so bad for little man because he had just started to feel better.  By Sunday night, Chuck was feeling better but I couldn't keep anything down.  So Monday was another day off for me.  And today I am home again because Logan is still having some potty issues and I want to make sure he is cleared up before going back to his sitter's.  So three days off of work at the end of the marking period when the email AND grade entering system is down?  Not so much fun.

The only bonus of these days off and being sick?  Having extra snuggle time with this handsome fella.

Tidbits on Leap Day

Hello to my readers who are sticking it out with me and my very sporadic posting.

-Rehearsals are keeping me busy, but things were exceptionally crazy because we did a murder-mystery dinner theater as a fundraiser for our musical.  That meant extra late practices with the one-act kids along with the cast for the actual musical.  It was last night and a HUGE successs.  Our cast performed with some of our orchestra pit already, which puts us WAY ahead of the game.  With the dinner theater over, I am making it a goal to post at least three times a week until the summer.

-Logan is growing up SO FAST.  He just sprouted his first molars along with two other teeth, bringing us up to 12,  He is such a stinker and is really into pushing his boundaries and testing us.  To say he is all curious boy is an understatement.  Still, he keeps us entertained and laughing constantly.

-Alexys is doing so well in school and we are SO proud of her.  Her grades are excellent and she is active in both dance and karate.  She is getting more and more excited for high school next year.

-It needs to be spring.  Living in Cleveland, it can be a crapshoot on what our winters and springs will be like.  We have had a mild winter and today it is BEAUTIFUL outside.  I don't have rehearsal and can't wait to get home and play outside with the little man.  I think some traipsing around in the mud may be called for!

-As mentioned, we live outside of Cleveland and yesterday a terrible school shooting happened very close to home.  We are all horrified by the events and my heart aches for the families and friends of the three students who lost their lives.  And what saddens me even more are the ridiculous threats being made at other buildings, causing them to lock-down.  As a high school teacher, people often ask if I am scared to go to work on a daily basis and the truth is, I am not.  BUT, I think it is truly sad that school, a place where students should be able to go to feel SAFE, is, in fact, the opposite sometimes.

-I have SO MANY plans for the summer that I just can't TAKE IT!  I am so excited to be off for three months with my little man!

2011 in Review: Part Two

July: I made a banana split cake that was awesome.  I didn't blog much because we were really sad...but I did take a huge step and signed up to be a Thirty-One consultant which has led us to be even more blessed.

August: I talked about what was making us so sad in this post.  Jamie moved to Florida.  It made going back to school really tough.

September:  I blogged about how I keep our schedules straight!  And Logan got his first haircut!

October:  We threw a belated thirteenth birthday party, went to the apple orchard and Boo at the Zoo and celebrated Halloween with our little monkey man.

November:  Did some decluttering and celebrated my birthday and Thanksgiving.  And welcomed my niece Lilah into the world!

December:  A whirlwind.  Cookie exchange, Logan's Birthday, the girls being gone for Christmas, celebrating a magical Christmas with our little man, then welcoming the girls  home again.

2011 in Review Part One

January: Mama went back to work and Little Man headed to his babysitter's for the first time.

February: Cleveland was hit with some awesome  blizzards and we spent several days hanging out and eating cupcakes.

I also hosted my annual Valentine's Day girls' night.

March:  We celebrated Logan's baptism by having a huge party at our house.  Thank goodness for random good weather in Cleveland because had it not been so nice, there is NO WAY 80 people would have fit in our house.  AND we found out that my brother and sister-in-law were EXPECTING!!  

I also wrote a post about being a working mom.

And March also proved that Logan was NOT a fan of rice cereal.

April: Our first Easter as a family of five!  I also started experiencing an overwhelming amount of Mommy Guilt for stepping back in to the role of drama advisor for what I THOUGHT was a temporary basis.

May: We planted our first garden!

June: A trip to the Cleveland Rainforest!  And we hosted a Father's Day Cook Out for our families.

Mommy Guilt

I am sure every mommy out there has felt this.

That agonizing feeling of Mommy Guilt.

I think it is especially difficult for those of us who are working moms.  I know that this summer was a blessing.  I was able to be home with Logan to see him blossom and become a little man with this big personality.  And I will tell you.  Come that first day of school and I was miserable.  I have never thought twice about being a working mom and I STILL believe that being outside the home and working is best for me and my family.  BUT...It was SO HARD leaving him after being home with him for three months.

Then I made the decision to take on Drama Club again because I was granted the production rights to Chicago.

I am torn with that decision.  I am so beyond excited to do the two productions i have ALWAYS wanted to do, but I really, REALLY miss my family.  I miss seeing Logan's face after school and I miss hearing about Alexys' day.  And I miss my husband.

My Thirty-One business has taken off (more on that later) and it is something I want to continue to work on because when I am no longer the director, THAT is going to bring in our extra money.

I am just overwhelmed and exhausted and I miss my family.  I know our productions are going to be amazing, but I can't help but think about what I am missing.

This is a rambling post, brought to you by a distraught and exhausted Mama, who is typing this on Sunday night (even though it is scheduled for later this week)  and really DOES NOT want to go to work tomorrow.

Back to School, Back to School...

It is that time of year again...time for back to school!  My first day back was on Tuesday and Logan and Alexys were with my in-laws.  Today I took Logan to his regular babysitter's house.  I have to admit...this was harder than coming back from maternity leave.  I had only been home for six weeks but now...almost three months and he is such a little personality now.  Anyway, it is a comfort knowing he is with someone who genuinely loves him and I know he gets tons of snuggles while he is there.

Because, well, who wouldn't miss this face?

So last night, I packed up his diaper bag, packed his and my lunch, and this morning we were on our merry way. And little man didn't even hesitate. He was off and ready to play as soon as we arrived.

Good to know I am the only one with separation anxiety.

My life as a SAHM (for 3 months)

I am so excited to be a part of a guest blogging series about being a stay at home mom over at my friend Karen's blog, and even though I work full time for 9 months of the year as a high school English teacher, I volunteered so I could talk about my life as a working AND SAHM during the summer months. Pop on over there to see what I had to say about being a SAHM (for three months of the year!)

And now, cuteness.