Friends don't let friends...

...wear dresses that make you look pregnant. That is me on the far left

Went to a wedding two weekends ago for a good friend of mine from high school. Even though I have been feeling very whale-like lately, I bought a really cute strapless dress from Torrid awhile back, thinking that I would wear some cute shoes and accesories and maybe I wouldn't feel like such a cow. That day, my hair looked great and I didn't feel so bad. Until I got home and looked at the pictures I had taken with my camera. Seriously? I looked pregnant. If someone would have asked when I was due, I would not have blamed them after taking a look at my camera.

I really wanted to get it together this summer, but so far I have been failing miserably. Let me see how many lame-ass excuses I can come up with:
-I have no time because of grad class (Tuesdays and THursday, 5-8:30)

-I can't go in the mornings because I have teh girls (even though I could very well bring them with me to the workout room)

-I can't seem to get up in the morning

-By the time C gets home, I have to make dinner and then we eat and its too late.

As you can see, the list goes on and on and on...

I am so proud of C. He is really doing well with watching what he is eating and walking EVERY day during his lunch. I just can't get it together. And I can't bring myself to go to WW until I am back down to 194, which is what I was at when I last went to a meeting. One of my issues is that I really like the Thursday meetings, and seem to be unable to sit through any other ones. Now that my THursday grad class is over, I am going to make a concerted effort to go again. And two of my friends from class and I are going to work out after our morning classes, beginning this Monday. I am kind of excited, because I have like exactly two months until school starts, and I am hoping to lose a little before then. Perhaps I will start tracking again as of tomorrow...since it would be my restart day anyways.

I want to look like this again:

We were both suoer skinny. This was three years ago at my brother;'s graduation party. I was about 20 pounds lighter. Damn.

Weight on 6/21/08: 199.8...disgusting

My Epiphany

So I had a bachelorette party to attend on Saturday, and I decided to hit the mall early to attempt to find something to wear that was not horrifically tight and uncomfortable.  I went to Torrid and it took me along time to find something that was not terrible.  I like that store because although I am bigger chested,  my butt is fairly tiny and my legs are not too bad.  And I have no hips.  So although I may be wearing a plus-size on top, normally it won't work for my bottom half.  I have bought several dresses from there, including one for a wedding in two weeks.  Anyways, I bought a top that was not too bad, but it was a horrible experience.  I just looked in the mirror at myself, and was disgusted.  So I decided to get my nails done and a pedicure, in order to make myself feel better.  Got home, took a nap, and then had to get dressed.  Any pair of jeans I wore were tight; I had a huge spare tire around my waist and was miserable when I sat down, which in turn makes me miserable all night long.  And then after the evening ended and I was looking through all my pictures, I have a horrible double chin and just look miserable.  I used to be photogenic, and as arrogant as it sounds, I took good pictures.  Now?  HA!  I kept talking about getting back on track with Weight Watchers, and every time I stepped on the scale, it was a few lbs higher.  Well, this was apparently what I needed to get it together.  I have multiple bridal showers this month and next, a wedding in two weeks, a wedding in august, september and i am in one in October.  I refuse to continue to way I have been.  I  look at pictures of my high school prom and graduation, and I had lost a ton of weight in the five months prior and I looked and felt amazing.    All it took was seeing my homecoming pictures from that year to kick my ass into gear.  Hopefully this will be the same type of thing.  

I know I can successfully do Weight Watchers.  It takes commitment and planning and I almost have to think of it like a game.  I can't just wing it, like I sometimes believe I can.  I need to sit down nightly and write down my plan for the next day.  Summer is coming and I can't come back next year as the still fat teacher, when everyone else is thin.   I know it sounds ridiculous, but I hate thinking the kids mock me behind my back.  Teenagers are cruel, and it makes me feel like I did back when I was in high school.