The Great Marble War

There was a time when we were inseperable. They were my cousins through marriage and we were together all the time, for family gatherings and sleepovers, as my aunt baby sat us and for Friday night pizza parties. They came into my life in the first grade, when Matthew was born. They were with Aunt Dezi and Uncle Kenny for awhile, then we thought they were leaving to go back and live with their mom in Florida. Forever. So, to four sad kids, what did this mean? Cause as much trouble as possible, of course.

I have no idea how it started, but it ended with the Chinese Checker marbles thrown over my entire bedroom. We got into big trouble and it turned out they weren't going anywhere.

Years later, one of my cousin's took her new babyboy and moved back to Florida with her mom. It was very sudden and unexpected, and there was some sort of falling out. I don't know the details, only that there has been very little contact over the last few years between her and my aunt and uncle. I have not seen nor heard from her since my freshman year of college. I know she will be at the funeral and in Idaho this weekend.

I always felt inferior to her. As if I was not good enough. She was the prettier one, the one that everyone seemed to want to be around. I was the chubby outcast, or so I felt. I am sure I created it in my mind and that my worries were unfounded. But I wanted the boys attention like she had and her popularity. We traveled down very different paths in life; I have no idea what she is doing with her life now. I am almost done with my Masters and will soon have my principal's license. I have been teaching for 5 years and ran a very successful Drama Club at my school. I wonder what she is like now because I know that I am not the same person.

It will be interesting, to say the least.

Rosemary's Legacy

My grandmother died when my dad was 17. She was 42 and had breast cancer, among a history of alcoholism and mental health issues. Obviously, I never knew her, as I was not even a distant thought in my father's mind, but I have always felt a connection to her, and felt very strongly that she is looking out for me.

Before my wedding, my 13 year old cousin Maranda went to visit my dad's sister, Dezi, in Idaho. Maranda came back in time for Thanksgiving and handed my dad a package. My dad opened it and said "Why did she send me a beaded purse?"

Turns out, it had a letter in it instructing Dad to give it to me. My Aunt Dezi told me it was the purse my Grandma Rose carried with her on her wedding day to my grandfather, and she was sending it to me for my wedding day.

Oddly enough, it was not yellowed and matched the beading on my dress. I knew she was going to be watching down on my day, but now I felt like I had physical proof.

RIP Uncle Kenny

I remember the day Aunt Dezi and Uncle Kenny moved home from California, with their big moving truck and their car hitched to the back. It was Anthony's birthday while we were still living on Tuxedo and they pulled in. I was maybe...6? They lived with us for awhile, and Uncle Kenny would always sing when he got out of the shower. "I feel good!"

It was so sad to say goodbye when they moved away when I was in college. They went to Idaho with my cousin and her daughter to be ner Uncle Kenny's family. I missed Aunt Dezi's loud laugh and spending time with them. We have only seen them once since they moved away, and that was Dad's 50th birthday party. They suprised us by showing up at Dad's surprise party.

Since then, his health has greatly deteriorated and they were not able to come to my wedding. He has been in and out of the hospital for several months now.

I had class this morning and then went to work out. As I left the Rec, I checked my phone to find a message from mom, telling me it was important. When I called her back, she informed me that Uncle Kenny had passed away.

I think I am flying with my parents for the funeral. We are leaving on Friday and coming back Tuesday or Wednesday. It's a very sad day.

Over it

Grad school that is.

What the hell was I thinking when I decided to go into administration? I used to really think I wanted to be a principal; to be honest, the more classes I take, the less and less I want to leave the classroom. I love teaching and extending my love of literature to my students. Why would I want to give that up to deal with political bullshit day in and day out? Perhaps because I have really only enjoyed three of my classes in two years, and this summer has kicked my ass. There is no reason our one prof should have assigned us HALF the work he did. It was nonsense busy work. And the whole not eating in class nonsense just really pissed me off. I am paying a shitton for tuition. If I want to eat a granola bar, you bet your old ass I am going to.

Needless to say, I skipped out on his class today.

Like the new look?

I think it's cute, but hard to read sometimes. Any thoughts?

Recommitted 7/24/08

201.2

That is what I weighed in at on Thursday, 7/24 at 5:30 PM.

Wow. My highest weight ever. And a very scary number. When I calculated my BMI, this is what it said: Your BMI of 34.5 indicates that you are very overweight. (Ideally, your BMI should be between 18.5 and 24.9.). Being overweight increases your risk for health problems such as heart disease, diabetes and some types of cancer.

I am taking my measurements tonight and I am going to post those as well. And I am making our dinner plans for the week too, and hope to post those.

It was a rough weekend to being being OP. Friday night I was frantically cleaning and making food to prep for Heidi's shower and bachelorette party on Saturday. I caught myself picking at food and now we have all this leftover food that I find myself picking (especially at the cheese, since it is a trigger for me).

The shower, all the drama aside, was really nice. Heidi's sister did a great job with the food and prep, and I did the set up of the room on Friday night. They got some really nice gifts and my dad bought my brother a tool set, so it was really cute to see him open it. He was super excited to get his own gift. After they opened their gifts, I came back upstairs and took a short nap before continuing the cleaning for a bit. Got ready and headed to Cozumel, where almost everyone (Heidi included) was 30 minutes late (Anthony and Heidi were 20 minutes late for their own shower...Anth was still asleep at 10:15 because he thought the shower started at 11:30, not 11. Duh). I didn't even get to finish my dinner because I had to rush and get back to my apartment to set up and wait for the people who were not meeting us for dinner. This was not necessary because no one ate anything and we basically opened gifts and got on the limo bus. I now have a fridge full of salsas and cheese and I am having a tough time staying away from the cheese. I want to throw it out, but Charles may kick my ass. Anyways, we then took a limo bus to Howl at the Moon, intending on heading to Shooters and perhaps another bar or two. Heidi wanted to stay at HATM and was in no way ready to leave when everyone else was. We finally rounded her up and headed to Shooters, which was a ridiculous meat market and freakin' packed; now I remember why I hate going downtown and it was another reason why I am so glad I am NO LONGER SINGLE. Sheesh. Anyways, Heidi was a crazy woman and kept going on stage at HATM and on the way home, all my aunts and my mom were up dancing in the limo bus. It was hilarious. When we got home, a few of the girls buzzed up to my apartment and woke up Charles to let them in to pee. When I got up there, there was a LINE for our two bathrooms. I think Heidi had a great night and a blast and consumed a lot of alcohol. But I am really glad it is over.

Overwhelmed

I feel like this summer has been nonstop. I am taking two grad classes and one prof has assigned us an overwhelming amount of work. Does he not GET that this is not the only class we have? That grad school is NOT our life? That we have families that we MIGHT want to see sometime this summer? I am just so ready to be finished. I can not believe that we have another entire year. I think I might lose it.

I wanted to give a really long update...but to be honest, I am just too damn tired.

Stupid Five Guys

Not a bad day today...I was busy after class so I didn't go work out. I had to run to Target to get a gift for Rachel and John's baby (Libby, so freakin' cute) and to Old Navy. Came home and made a Boca Spicy Chik'n patty and took a brief nap.

After our meeting for Relay, C and I went to Five Guys. I had a single cheeseburger and we split an order of regular fries. Since today was my new week for WW, I actually counted it. I am trying so hard to stay OP, although at the bar last night I had some stupid cheese fries. I am struggling wiht my willpower when temptation surrounds me. Anyways, I get 28 points a day...and used 19.5 flex points too!! Ridiculous.

I am going to attempt to work out for 45 minutes tomorrow. 30 at least.

Tomorrow C and I have a date night planned, and I think we are going to Outback because I can find a relatively low point dinner option there. We have a wedding on Saturday with my in-laws, which should be interesting.

I hate this place

I attended Bowling Green for two years of college and lived on campus.
Transfered home, and lived with my parents for my junior year and half my senior year.
In November of my senior year, I moved to Berea with Sara and Jen and we lived there for a year.
I moved back home for about 8 months and then moved into my own apartment. I lived there for less than two years and then moved in with C to another apartment. We moved again and we have now been in this apartment since last March (which means we have 8 months left on our lease).

Now...to reasons why I hate this place (and apartment living in general):

• The animal in the wall: A squirrel? A mouse? A feral cat? Who the hell knows. I just know that it makes an appearance in the spring and there were several nights I lost many hours of my precious sleep because of the fucking thing. I called numerous times. It will disappear then come back.
• The idiots upstairs. Constantly banging...like they are bowling in their kitchen. What the hell are you doing? Add to the baby constantly crying (yes, I know babies cry...but this is NOT normal) and the fact that we have had to call the cops on them...yeah, sucky ass neighbors.
• Oh, what about the people DOWNSTAIRS? All the sudden, the smoke outside all the time and it comes right into our bedroom?
• And of course the flooding...our entryway floods when it rains which then floods the entry of the lobby which soaks the carpet and stinks like must. Its been like this for two weeks now and stinks like shit.
• Plus the fact that we have nowhere to put anything
• And I want a baby but we have nowhere for a baby...we would have to put it in the closet and then I would have to give up shoe space...and I am not willing to do that.

Basically, I hate it here. We want to start shopping around for houses and have been casually looking. It is going to be hard finding a lower priced home in our city, but we don't want Jamie to switch districts again, so we have to stay around here. For first time home buyers, this is not a cheap place to buy. But we are keeping our eyes pealed for all houses, including HUD houses. We are in contact with a mortgage lender to see where we stand, but I am worried she is going to call back after our credit check and say, "You guys suck with money. Don't think about buying a house. Peace out."

I feel so inadequate because my brother and his fiance just moved into a house and he is three years younger than me. It is my stupid fault for being so irresponsible with money when I was in my early twenties. We have some savings now because of the wedding. C really wants to get a move on with the house hunting but I am so scared. We need new living room furniture and there is earnest money and closing costs, and we have some stuff saved. I feel like such a fool when it comes to money...I think I am going to reread my Suze Orman book.

A Good Day

Today was a good day.

• I tracked every, single thing I put in my mouth.
• I worked out hard for 30 minutes. Although that may not be alot to some, for me, that was tough. But I forced myself to get to the 30 minutes.
• I portioned out our dinner so we only ate one portion size each of baked ziti
• C and I played tennis for about 30 minutes after dinner, so I worked up a second sweat.

Overall, I am pretty proud of myself. I am keeping a notebook for my food journal and I will be going back to WI on Thursday, even if my weight is a scary number. I need to face up. C is so motivated and I am so proud and I want him to be proud of me too. We are doing this together and I am really excited about it. I am much more successful when I have someone pushing me and holding me accountable. For example, our after class workouts. I probably would not even go if other women from my class were not going. I feel guilty if I don't go. But I am proud of the little progress I made today. I hope I can keep it up.

Fourth of July

Yesterday was an extremely long day. We started off by marching in the Parma parade for the Relay for Life, which is in a few weeks. We met at nine and then after the parade had to run to get Lex some jeans. Stopped at my parents' to help out with a few things, ran home to make my Napa salad, then headed back over there. Had a really nice time and the weather ended up being awesome. Wish it had been a smidge warmer, but other than that, the sun came out which was great. First Fourth of July in several years that it has not rained at all! The girls seemed to have fun, then we stayed at my parents' for fireworks. We were disappointed with them; they really kind of sucked this year. I have no idea what I even ate yesterday. It wasn't too bad, until you get to the three chocolate cookies, funfetti cake, and other assorted goodies. I suppose it could have been worse.

Today I went with Rachel to Trader Joe's and then we cooked out with her and John. Overall it was healthy. OUr menu consisted of:
-Turkey sausage on a real bun
-Roasted corn on the cob
-Roasted potatoes with onions (OMG so good)
-Fruit salad with a dollop of real whipped cream
-Macaroni salad
Instead of a fatty dessert, Rachel made the fruit salad and I tried to be good with it. So, even though it was alot of food, I think we made some pretty wise decisions.

C is doing awesome with his diet, and I am super proud of him. In fact, this weekend I realized I need to start busting my ass. He is down 10 lbs and I need to start tracking again. Thursday is RETURN TO MEETING day, so I am trying my damndest to take a few pounds off so it isn't TOO bad that day. I don't want to cry when I see the WW scale! I just realized that I need to go to meetings for the accountability. And I need to stop making excuses.

Dear knee,

Thanks for being f-ed up all week. I worked out for two days, and then you started to hurt worse. I still dressed in my workout clothes in case you stopped hurting You didn't.

Let's not do this again, k? Thanks.
GMD

Day Two of OPness

So yesterday marked a new start for me, in a way. It was the beginning of our Summer II classes and two of my friends and I decided to work out every day after class. Even though I really hurt my knee during softball on Sunday, I went anyways and Monday I did 10 minutes on the eliptical and 10 minutes on the treadmill. I was getting burning sensations in my shins, so I think this is due to the fact that I never work out and needed more supportive shoes. Today we walked for 40 minutes after class because it was too nice to stay inside. I have to say I am pretty proud of myself. We have 55 days until school starts, and I really want to be down 10-15 pounds by then. I really think I can do it, too. I am going to go back to meetings, hopefully this Thursday. I have to get the girls pictures from JC Penney then get my nails and toes done, although I may go tomorrow so that I can go to a meeting on Thursday. Even though I am fairly certain it is a scary number, I need to get it over with.

In better news, how cute are they? My stepdaughters, Jamie (11 years old in red) and Alexys (9 years old, in blue)