I hate this place

I attended Bowling Green for two years of college and lived on campus.
Transfered home, and lived with my parents for my junior year and half my senior year.
In November of my senior year, I moved to Berea with Sara and Jen and we lived there for a year.
I moved back home for about 8 months and then moved into my own apartment. I lived there for less than two years and then moved in with C to another apartment. We moved again and we have now been in this apartment since last March (which means we have 8 months left on our lease).

Now...to reasons why I hate this place (and apartment living in general):

• The animal in the wall: A squirrel? A mouse? A feral cat? Who the hell knows. I just know that it makes an appearance in the spring and there were several nights I lost many hours of my precious sleep because of the fucking thing. I called numerous times. It will disappear then come back.
• The idiots upstairs. Constantly banging...like they are bowling in their kitchen. What the hell are you doing? Add to the baby constantly crying (yes, I know babies cry...but this is NOT normal) and the fact that we have had to call the cops on them...yeah, sucky ass neighbors.
• Oh, what about the people DOWNSTAIRS? All the sudden, the smoke outside all the time and it comes right into our bedroom?
• And of course the flooding...our entryway floods when it rains which then floods the entry of the lobby which soaks the carpet and stinks like must. Its been like this for two weeks now and stinks like shit.
• Plus the fact that we have nowhere to put anything
• And I want a baby but we have nowhere for a baby...we would have to put it in the closet and then I would have to give up shoe space...and I am not willing to do that.

Basically, I hate it here. We want to start shopping around for houses and have been casually looking. It is going to be hard finding a lower priced home in our city, but we don't want Jamie to switch districts again, so we have to stay around here. For first time home buyers, this is not a cheap place to buy. But we are keeping our eyes pealed for all houses, including HUD houses. We are in contact with a mortgage lender to see where we stand, but I am worried she is going to call back after our credit check and say, "You guys suck with money. Don't think about buying a house. Peace out."

I feel so inadequate because my brother and his fiance just moved into a house and he is three years younger than me. It is my stupid fault for being so irresponsible with money when I was in my early twenties. We have some savings now because of the wedding. C really wants to get a move on with the house hunting but I am so scared. We need new living room furniture and there is earnest money and closing costs, and we have some stuff saved. I feel like such a fool when it comes to money...I think I am going to reread my Suze Orman book.

A Good Day

Today was a good day.

• I tracked every, single thing I put in my mouth.
• I worked out hard for 30 minutes. Although that may not be alot to some, for me, that was tough. But I forced myself to get to the 30 minutes.
• I portioned out our dinner so we only ate one portion size each of baked ziti
• C and I played tennis for about 30 minutes after dinner, so I worked up a second sweat.

Overall, I am pretty proud of myself. I am keeping a notebook for my food journal and I will be going back to WI on Thursday, even if my weight is a scary number. I need to face up. C is so motivated and I am so proud and I want him to be proud of me too. We are doing this together and I am really excited about it. I am much more successful when I have someone pushing me and holding me accountable. For example, our after class workouts. I probably would not even go if other women from my class were not going. I feel guilty if I don't go. But I am proud of the little progress I made today. I hope I can keep it up.

Fourth of July

Yesterday was an extremely long day. We started off by marching in the Parma parade for the Relay for Life, which is in a few weeks. We met at nine and then after the parade had to run to get Lex some jeans. Stopped at my parents' to help out with a few things, ran home to make my Napa salad, then headed back over there. Had a really nice time and the weather ended up being awesome. Wish it had been a smidge warmer, but other than that, the sun came out which was great. First Fourth of July in several years that it has not rained at all! The girls seemed to have fun, then we stayed at my parents' for fireworks. We were disappointed with them; they really kind of sucked this year. I have no idea what I even ate yesterday. It wasn't too bad, until you get to the three chocolate cookies, funfetti cake, and other assorted goodies. I suppose it could have been worse.

Today I went with Rachel to Trader Joe's and then we cooked out with her and John. Overall it was healthy. OUr menu consisted of:
-Turkey sausage on a real bun
-Roasted corn on the cob
-Roasted potatoes with onions (OMG so good)
-Fruit salad with a dollop of real whipped cream
-Macaroni salad
Instead of a fatty dessert, Rachel made the fruit salad and I tried to be good with it. So, even though it was alot of food, I think we made some pretty wise decisions.

C is doing awesome with his diet, and I am super proud of him. In fact, this weekend I realized I need to start busting my ass. He is down 10 lbs and I need to start tracking again. Thursday is RETURN TO MEETING day, so I am trying my damndest to take a few pounds off so it isn't TOO bad that day. I don't want to cry when I see the WW scale! I just realized that I need to go to meetings for the accountability. And I need to stop making excuses.

Dear knee,

Thanks for being f-ed up all week. I worked out for two days, and then you started to hurt worse. I still dressed in my workout clothes in case you stopped hurting You didn't.

Let's not do this again, k? Thanks.
GMD

Day Two of OPness

So yesterday marked a new start for me, in a way. It was the beginning of our Summer II classes and two of my friends and I decided to work out every day after class. Even though I really hurt my knee during softball on Sunday, I went anyways and Monday I did 10 minutes on the eliptical and 10 minutes on the treadmill. I was getting burning sensations in my shins, so I think this is due to the fact that I never work out and needed more supportive shoes. Today we walked for 40 minutes after class because it was too nice to stay inside. I have to say I am pretty proud of myself. We have 55 days until school starts, and I really want to be down 10-15 pounds by then. I really think I can do it, too. I am going to go back to meetings, hopefully this Thursday. I have to get the girls pictures from JC Penney then get my nails and toes done, although I may go tomorrow so that I can go to a meeting on Thursday. Even though I am fairly certain it is a scary number, I need to get it over with.

In better news, how cute are they? My stepdaughters, Jamie (11 years old in red) and Alexys (9 years old, in blue)

Friends don't let friends...

...wear dresses that make you look pregnant. That is me on the far left

Went to a wedding two weekends ago for a good friend of mine from high school. Even though I have been feeling very whale-like lately, I bought a really cute strapless dress from Torrid awhile back, thinking that I would wear some cute shoes and accesories and maybe I wouldn't feel like such a cow. That day, my hair looked great and I didn't feel so bad. Until I got home and looked at the pictures I had taken with my camera. Seriously? I looked pregnant. If someone would have asked when I was due, I would not have blamed them after taking a look at my camera.

I really wanted to get it together this summer, but so far I have been failing miserably. Let me see how many lame-ass excuses I can come up with:
-I have no time because of grad class (Tuesdays and THursday, 5-8:30)

-I can't go in the mornings because I have teh girls (even though I could very well bring them with me to the workout room)

-I can't seem to get up in the morning

-By the time C gets home, I have to make dinner and then we eat and its too late.

As you can see, the list goes on and on and on...

I am so proud of C. He is really doing well with watching what he is eating and walking EVERY day during his lunch. I just can't get it together. And I can't bring myself to go to WW until I am back down to 194, which is what I was at when I last went to a meeting. One of my issues is that I really like the Thursday meetings, and seem to be unable to sit through any other ones. Now that my THursday grad class is over, I am going to make a concerted effort to go again. And two of my friends from class and I are going to work out after our morning classes, beginning this Monday. I am kind of excited, because I have like exactly two months until school starts, and I am hoping to lose a little before then. Perhaps I will start tracking again as of tomorrow...since it would be my restart day anyways.

I want to look like this again:

We were both suoer skinny. This was three years ago at my brother;'s graduation party. I was about 20 pounds lighter. Damn.

Weight on 6/21/08: 199.8...disgusting

My Epiphany

So I had a bachelorette party to attend on Saturday, and I decided to hit the mall early to attempt to find something to wear that was not horrifically tight and uncomfortable.  I went to Torrid and it took me along time to find something that was not terrible.  I like that store because although I am bigger chested,  my butt is fairly tiny and my legs are not too bad.  And I have no hips.  So although I may be wearing a plus-size on top, normally it won't work for my bottom half.  I have bought several dresses from there, including one for a wedding in two weeks.  Anyways, I bought a top that was not too bad, but it was a horrible experience.  I just looked in the mirror at myself, and was disgusted.  So I decided to get my nails done and a pedicure, in order to make myself feel better.  Got home, took a nap, and then had to get dressed.  Any pair of jeans I wore were tight; I had a huge spare tire around my waist and was miserable when I sat down, which in turn makes me miserable all night long.  And then after the evening ended and I was looking through all my pictures, I have a horrible double chin and just look miserable.  I used to be photogenic, and as arrogant as it sounds, I took good pictures.  Now?  HA!  I kept talking about getting back on track with Weight Watchers, and every time I stepped on the scale, it was a few lbs higher.  Well, this was apparently what I needed to get it together.  I have multiple bridal showers this month and next, a wedding in two weeks, a wedding in august, september and i am in one in October.  I refuse to continue to way I have been.  I  look at pictures of my high school prom and graduation, and I had lost a ton of weight in the five months prior and I looked and felt amazing.    All it took was seeing my homecoming pictures from that year to kick my ass into gear.  Hopefully this will be the same type of thing.  

I know I can successfully do Weight Watchers.  It takes commitment and planning and I almost have to think of it like a game.  I can't just wing it, like I sometimes believe I can.  I need to sit down nightly and write down my plan for the next day.  Summer is coming and I can't come back next year as the still fat teacher, when everyone else is thin.   I know it sounds ridiculous, but I hate thinking the kids mock me behind my back.  Teenagers are cruel, and it makes me feel like I did back when I was in high school.