ughter who still lives with her mother. I am a graduate student. I can be a huge bitch and I know it. I want to have a baby someday, after graduating from grad school. I still do not know if I want to become a principal or if I want to rem
ain in my current position. But thing thing that I feel defines me most?
I am fat.
For the last five years, I have been on and off of Weight W
atchers. It has been a struggle. I lose 7 pounds and decide I am done. Gain it back. Sometimes I lose 11 pounds. But it is never much and I never even seem to reach my 10%. I recently figured it out that
I have gained 20 pounds in the last 2 years. Does it say something that that is the time my husband and I have been together? Perhaps the old adage is true, that you find fat when you find love. But I digress, and am only placing the blame where it does not belong.
This is me last year at a friend's wedding. I am not the bride.
I think I look pretty thin. That is about 10 pounds ago. Look! I have a waist! And my arms look thin (ok, not thin, but thinner than they are now).
I am tired of this crap. None of my clothing fits and I practically live in jeans, tshirts, and sweatpants. Why? Because nothing cute fits. I keep putting the blame elsewhere, and I think I realized tonight that I need to stop. My parents, brother, and his fiance were over, and she was talking about her friend who had done such a great job on Weight Watchers and had lost 65 pounds. I felt like my mom's eyes were boring into me, looking at me in my white tank top and pink sweat-capris (I was cooking all day, give me a break). I felt like all evening, every time I took a bite of anything, I was being judged. I am fairly certain it was all in my head, but I am paranoid and kept help but feel like I am being critically looked at by every person I know.
So what the hell is my issue? I am not sure I know. But I think I have finally come to the point where I am fed up. Summer is coming and next school year, I want to be the hot teacher. I have to buy suits for my internship and the LAST thing I want to deal with is that be a struggle. I mean, can you imagine? That shopping trip will be a disaster. So, I guess I am starting this blog as a beginning of a new me. I can do this, I know it. Weight Watchers is all about planning and just being prepared. I have faith in myself.
And I am sick of being fat.
